


Memento non mori

by Weisse_Rose



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-01-30 16:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12657435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weisse_Rose/pseuds/Weisse_Rose
Summary: Lucifer gets a concussion and forgets that he's the devil, among other things.





	1. Chapter 1

_Shit_.

_Shit, shit, shit._

Chloe knelt over her partner, trying to assess the damage. He was bleeding heavily and she started to panic. _Calm down. Focus. Head wounds always bleed a lot. He's going to be fine._

She called in the ambulance, her hand shaking slightly. She was angry with herself for letting this happen. He was a civilian, after all. A civilian with no regard for his personal safety. The way he kept stirring up trouble everywhere they went, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. She should have realized it and stopped taking him along when doing field work. This was all her fault. _Pull yourself together. This is not the time._

She took a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts. _Right. Don't move the head, there might be damage to the neck. Stop the bleeding as best you can._ She looked around and her eyes caught sight of the steel pipe lying a few feet away. The suspect had dropped it when he made a run for it. There was a smear of blood on it and an actual _dent_ where it had impacted with Lucifer's head. Chloe had to fight down a sudden onslaught of nausea. _He'll be fine. He has to be fine._

* * *

Chloe sat next to the hospital bed, trying to keep the tears at bay. This was all wrong. Lucifer always seemed larger than life, somehow. Invincible. The way he carried her through the flames and shrugged the burn off as if it was nothing. The way he acted as if getting _shot_ by her was nothing more than a minor inconvenience. 

Now, lying in the hospital bed, his head wrapped in bandages, dark circles under his eyes, he looked all too vulnerable. She had just spoken with his doctor and the man seemed genuinely baffled. He had been going on and on about some anomalies showing in the brain scans and when she had asked him what that meant he'd only said that he'd never seen anything like it and they would need to run more tests. That was probably not a good sign.

She rubbed her eyes tiredly and took a deep breath. _He's tough. He'll pull through. He'll be fine._

She heard a noise by the door and turned around to see Amenadiel sneaking into the room. He clearly hadn't expected her to be there and looked like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't. Lucifer was an enigma all on his own, but his family was a whole new dimension of weird. She tried to imagine Lucifer, Amenadiel and Charlotte having a Thanksgiving dinner and failed. 

Amenadiel gave her a measuring look, apparently weighing his options.

"I'm taking Lucifer home", he stated, matter-of-factly.

Chloe gaped at him, completely baffled. Amenadiel always seemed like the responsible, reasonable kind, and this decision was neither of the two.

"You can't. He could have-", she stumbled over the next words, her breath catching in her throat, "-brain damage. He needs to be monitored."

Amenadiel sighed. "Trust me when I tell you that they cannot help him here. He'll be provided for at home."

Ah, now this made more sense. Of course, Lucifer would have some expensive private physician. She nodded. He probably would get specialist help that the LAPD could never have afforded. It was comforting to think that he'd be well taken care of.

"You should go home and get some rest, detective. We'll call you when he wakes up." Chloe was about to protest, but then decided against it. She could really use a shower and there wasn't anything she could do for him while he was unconscious anyway. 

She took a last look at Lucifer in the hospital bed, then she turned to the door. "You call me the minute he regains consciousness. Promise."

Amenadiel nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.

It was only much later that Chloe realized that he'd said _when_ not _if_ Lucifer wakes up, like there was no question that his brother will regain consciousness. Hopefully he was right.

* * *

Maze scrutinized Lucifer's sleeping form, a worried expression on her face. 

"Do you think he'll make a full recovery, now that you put some distance between him and Chloe?"

Amenadiel just shrugged helplessly. Who knew how this vulnerability deal worked. Maze moved her questioning glance from him to Linda, who raised her hands defensively.

"How many times do I have to tell you people that I am _not_ that kind of doctor? And besides, it's not like they were teaching _human-related archangel vulnerability 101_ when I studied."

"Well, you're all we got, doctor", Amenadiel stated calmly.

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable with that. At least in the hospital, they could have-"

Amenadiel cut her off. "Out of the question. We cannot risk humanity getting proof of the divine."

"Well, I think in this case, we should consider-"

A soft groan emanating from the bed interrupted their argument. They both fell quiet and turned to look. Lucifer's eyelids fluttered open. His gaze was unfocussed at first, but quickly become more lucid. He looked from Maze to Amenadiel to Linda, a confused expression spreading over his features.

Amenadiel smiled brightly at him, relieved that his brother had recovered so quickly. "Welcome back, Luci."

Lucifer's eyes narrowed, his gaze quickly shifting between the three of them as if he were looking for something and not finding it. Finally, his eyes met Amenadiel's again. Lucifer's reply wiped the smile right off Amenadiel's face, a cold shiver running down his spine.

"Who are you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Amenadiel and Maze waited nervously at the bar in Lucifer's penthouse. It had quickly become apparent that three people throwing questions at him was too much for Lucifer to handle in his current state. So Linda had shooed the other two out of the bedroom, arguing that she as a trained therapist was best equipped to talk to him.

Just as Amenadiel decided to go check on the situation, Linda emerged, looking worried. 

"How bad is it?"

"It looks like he remembers nothing of his life, his roots or, anything, really, about his existence prior to this day." She shook her head slightly.

"What is it?", Maze asked, worried by the doctor's expression.

"Well, I'm no expert, as I keep telling you, but, as far as I know, this is not how amnesia is supposed to look like. Patients might forget chunks of their life, sometimes decades, I guess in this case equivalent to millennia, but normally they do not forget _who they are_. The same way he's still able to walk and talk, he should have retained some sense of self, but apparently he thinks he's a regular mortal human."

Amenadiel furrowed his brow, wondering what this meant. "So why is he different?"

"Could be any number of reasons. I mean, there aren't really any prior cases of angels suffering from amnesia to compare this to, are there?" When Amenadiel shook his head, she continued, "Hm, my working hypothesis is that his symptoms could be related to his trauma. Just considering that he cut off his own wings over and over again, trying to distance himself from his true nature- what if his subconscious is grasping at this opportunity to-"

Amenadiel cut her off. "While this is fascinating and all, can we please focus on fixing him as quickly as possible?"

"I need to do more research. This is really not my field of expertise. I happen to know somebody who specializes in retrograde amnesia, I will reach out to him and get his opinion, without revealing too much of the details, of course."

Behind her, Lucifer emerged from the bedroom and started picking up different items in the loft, turning them around in his hands, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Whatever it takes, doctor."

Linda nodded. "Well, on the plus side, it looks like he has suffered no other ill effects, his speech and motor skills seem to be unaffected, as far as I can tell."

"He thinks he's a boring old human?", Maze asked. When Linda nodded again, she continued, "So what happens when his wings pop out?"

Linda looked shocked, not having considered this particular problem so far. "That could be quite traumatic for him. Not to speak of accidentally revealing his true nature to anybody around him. It's probably best for him to stay at the loft for the time being."

Amenadiel nodded. "We'll have to tell Chloe eventually. I did promise to let her know as soon as he wakes up. Besides, I'm sure she would get immediately suspicious if we tried to keep her from seeing him for too long. Do you think it will harm him to be around Chloe again?"

Linda sighed. "Amenadiel, I have no information based on which I could make so much as an educated guess about that. It's possible that she could trigger some memories to surface, although I wouldn't put too much hope in that since the two of you seem to have caused no such revelations and he has known both of you for much longer. Much, much longer." She paused, considering. "We should probably wait a couple of days before letting her see him, maybe his memory will return on its own and we don't have to risk her finding out about him without his consent." 

"She won't be happy about that", Maze chimed in.

Linda heard footsteps approaching behind her and turned around, giving Lucifer a reassuring smile. He was holding something which looked like an African fertility statue.

"You said I live here." Linda nodded. "Yet nothing in this place seems familiar to me in the slightest." His voice was calm, but with her years of experience Linda had no trouble detecting the barely concealed panic underneath. She placed her hands on his arms in an effort to reassure him, but he drew away from her touch.

"That's perfectly normal for somebody in your condition, Lucifer. It will take time for the memories to return."

"You keep saying that name, but it has no meaning to me." The panic was starting to bubble to the surface now. 

Linda used her most calming, assertive tone of voice, honed in many counselling sessions. "I know it is a lot to take in and it might seem overwhelming at the moment, but it will get better. You will get better." She stated with more confidence than she was feeling.

Lucifer nodded shakily and retreated back into the bedroom.

* * *

Chloe nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other, waiting for the elevator doors to open. Maze had filled her in on the situation days ago, but she was still having trouble processing it all. There was a small, treacherous part of her brain trying to convince her that this was all some elaborate joke on Lucifer's part, like when he'd told her she'd been in a coma for three years. He couldn't really have _amnesia_. That sort of thing didn't happen to real people. She had spent the last days agonizing over how to approach him. Should she pretend like everything was fine? Should she introduce herself? What if he really didn't remember her, didn't remember anything about their partnership? Would she be able to handle that?

The doors chimed open and she cautiously entered the loft, looking around for Lucifer. She spotted him sitting at the piano, hands hovering over the keys. He started playing a melancholy song and relief washed over her. If he was still able to perform like this, he had to be fine, right?

He stopped all of a sudden when he realized that he wasn't alone anymore.

"That was beautiful. What was it?"

He looked at her, confusion evident on his face. "I- I don't know." He stared at the piano for a moment as if it had offended him somehow, then he shook his head and stood up, walking over to her. 

"Linda tells me you and I work together. Maybe you can help me shed some light on a few mysteries." 

He looked her up and down, his face full of curiosity. Then he gave her a bright smile which nearly knocked Chloe off her feet. It was open and unguarded, with no trace of his usual leer or smugness. It transformed him into a completely different person. Chloe gaped at him, hit by a sudden realization. As long as she had known him, there had always been a certain sadness, a melancholy about him. The weight of the world, pulling him down. He'd always tried to cover it up with his happy, innuendo-filled banter, but that had just been a mask, she understood now. The reason she had noticed this now for the first time was quite simple: It was gone. They had only spoken a couple of sentences, yet she was already acutely aware that this was not the same man she knew.

"Detective? Are you quite alright?" There was concern on his face now and Chloe could almost pretend that this was the same old Lucifer. His concern for her had always been genuine. She wondered how much of her earlier inner monologue had been showing on her face.

"Yes, sorry. I'm just worried about you, that's all."

His expression softened, like he was pleased that she cared enough to worry about him. "Don't be." He pointed to his head, where, Chloe now noticed, the heavy bandages had been replaced with nothing more than a band-aid, which made no sense. Nobody could heal this quickly. "Nothing but a scratch."

He gave her a reassuring smile and she realized something else. The sadness might have been gone, but there was something else lurking behind his smile now. _Fear_ , she decided. Well, duh. She tried to imagine what it must be like to wake up one day with no memory of herself or her past. That sounded like a truly frightening experience. She decided then and there that she would do everything in her power to help him. After all, this was her fault.

"So, you said you have some questions for me?"

"Ah, yes. So, I was told I own the club downstairs." Chloe attempted to picture having to rely on the word of strangers about who you are and what you do. It was a frightening thought indeed. "And that I solve murders as a consultant for the LAPD. With you." Chloe nodded, not sure where he was going with this. "Why?", he asked simply, surprising her. At her confused expression, he elaborated. "It seems like those two occupations are at odds with each other. I'm just trying to piece together what kind of person _Lucifer Morningstar_ is."

Chloe heard the incredulity in his voice when he said it, as if he couldn't _believe_ how that silly name could be anything but fake. She felt a bout of hysterical laughter about to spill out of her and pushed it down forcefully.

"You owned the club first. It actually gives you a lot of connections and insights that have helped us on numerous cases. As to why, well, you told me that you enjoy bringing evildoers to justice, to punish them, because you're- you know- you-" She wasn't really sure how to broach the subject of him thinking of himself as the devil. Apparently, somebody else had already dropped that particular bombshell on him though, because he cut her off with "-the devil?" Now his tone indicated amusement more than anything else, like he was certain they'd used his current predicament to pull a prank on him.

"Yes, I'm the devil, I own a club and I solve murders. Can you tell me anything about myself that actually makes sense?"

She caught his eye, picking her next words carefully. "You cannot tolerate injustice done to anyone. You like to help people when they're in trouble. You are fiercely protective of those you care about. You-", she started blushing, feeling that she was perhaps revealing as much about herself, or, more precisely, about what he meant to her, as she was about him, but she finished nevertheless, "You have a good heart."

He just stared at her, his mouth agape, completely speechless. Chloe felt the tips of her ears turn red. Maybe that had been a bit much.

Lucifer cleared his throat. "Thank you", he said, voice filled with emotion. "You and I- I mean, have we- um- are we-"

"Together?" He nodded quickly, grateful that she had completed the thought for him. "No." At his crestfallen expression, she added, "It's- ah- it's complicated."

He smiled woefully. "Yes, that seems to be a theme with me."

* * *

Linda stepped out of the elevator, to be greeted by Lucifer's laughter ringing through the loft. She tried to recall if she had ever heard him sound so care-free and happy before.

"Surely, detective, you must be joking." His voice was filled with amusement.

"No, I'm telling you, you were juggling-" She stopped abruptly when she noticed Linda and stood up. "I better go, It's getting late." The expression on his face resembled that of a kicked puppy so much that she immediately regretted her words. "I could come back tomorrow if you want?"

"Actually, could you wait for just a minute while I discuss something with Linda?" She nodded and walked towards the elevator to give the two of them some privacy, smiling warmly at Linda in greeting as she passed her.

Linda turned to Lucifer, happy to see that his fragile state of the last days seemed to have improved vastly with the addition of the detective to his life. She should have known.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine. There is something I need to tell you, though." He sounded very serious, causing Linda to start worrying immediately.

"Yes?"

"Nothing in this place holds any significance for me. It's like I'm living in a stranger's apartment."

"Lucifer, we've talked about this, you-"

He raised his hands, cutting her off. "I would like to stay with the detective."

"Oh? I mean, why?"

He looked uneasy, rubbing the back of his head, a nervous gesture she had never seen the old Lucifer do. "I don't know."

"Are you sure?", she said in a tone which clearly conveyed the futility of trying to keep secrets from Dr. Linda Martin.

"Well, if you must know, this whole time, this place hasn't really felt like home, not until- not until tonight."

Linda considered his statement, wondering if being closer to Chloe would help or hinder him on the road to recovery. "I think it's for the best if you stay here for the time being-"

"You can't hold me prisoner here", he said fiercely, reminding her of the old Lucifer when he got angry.

"Fine. Only if the detective agrees, of course."

He gave her a big, boyish smile, then rushed passed her to talk to Chloe. Linda was already busy formulating a battle plan in her head about how to explain this one to Amenadiel.

"Detective. I- um-" He was at a loss for words. Chloe wasn't sure what to do with this shy, almost timid version of Lucifer. "I have a request to make, I hope I'm not being to forward. I-" He hesitated, and ruffled up his hair with one hand, looking absolutely adorable, and Chloe almost said _Anything_.

"If it's not too much trouble, I would like to ask you if I can stay at your place- only for a couple of nights- I completely understand if you have reservations against it and I wouldn't hold it against you if-" He was stumbling over his words and Chloe looked at him and thought _who are you?_

He stopped talking, clearly waiting for a reaction from her. And maybe it was her lingering feeling of guilt, or the fact that he was looking at her like an oversized, well _really_ oversized, puppy, but what she said was, "Okay."

And the way his face lit up was nothing short of breathtaking. Chloe filed the image away for later use when she would, she was certain of it, inevitably come to regret this decision.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you sure your daughter won't mind? I don't want to scare her." 

She turned around, astonished at the sincerity in his voice. He sounded really concerned. Concerned about Trixie's feelings.

"She was pretty cool about it when I explained the situation. I told her you're the same old Lucifer, you just don't remember all the things we did together." She wasn't so sure though, anymore. If he really was the same old Lucifer. "She was scared back when I told her you'd gotten hurt, so it will be good for her to see that you're feeling better."

"Really?" Now that was sadly familiar. The genuine surprise in his voice whenever there was a mention of somebody actually being concerned about his well-being.

They arrived at the front door of her place. Lucifer carried only a small suitcase, which had taken Chloe by surprise as well. She would have been less surprised if a moving van filled with nothing but suits had materialized at her front door. She turned around to face her guest, giving him her best _I'm sure this will all turn out well, don't worry about it_ smile. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

They managed to get a couple of feet inside before hearing a delighted squeal of "Lucifer!", followed by a little whirlwind launching herself at him, hugging him around the legs. 

Lucifer made a surprised "Omph" noise. After a moment, he leaned down to gently pry her arms from his legs, and Chloe had time to think _so he hasn't changed that much after all_ before he lifted Trixie up in his arms, which she immediately took advantage of to give him a proper hug. He smiled, genuinely pleased.

Chloe just stared at the two of them, Trixie's small form hugged tightly around Lucifer's chest, both of them smiling, radiating a sort of content happiness that she had never once seen in Lucifer before, and her heart might have skipped a beat or two. 

_Oh, what the hell_ , she thought and crossed the small space to join the two of them in their embrace. Trixie lifted her head from Lucifer's chest to yell delightedly "Group hug!", and Chloe thought for a moment that she might start to giggle. Or cry. Or both. But then she had a sobering thought. Once he got his memories back, he would distance himself from Trixie again. Her daughter wouldn't understand the change in his behaviour and she would feel hurt.

Chloe pulled back out of the hug. Lucifer gave her a questioning glance, but she just shook her head. 

"Where's Maze?", she asked her daughter. Lucifer reluctantly sat Trixie down. 

"In her room", Trixie admitted.

"Hm. I'll have to discuss with her that watching you actually entails _watching_ you."

"Oh, please don't be mad at her, she just left a minute ago." Trixie gave her a pleading look. Then she apparently remembered something. "Oh! There is something I wanted to show you!" She grabbed Lucifer's hand and tried to drag him off to her room. Lucifer gave Chloe a look. She expected it to be panicky, or at least pleading her not to be left alone with Trixie, but he actually looked questioning, like he was asking her permission. She smiled encouragingly at him and he let himself be dragged away by her daughter.

Chloe just stood there for a moment, wondering what was going on with Maze. She'd thought Maze would have been thrilled that Lucifer came to stay with them, but Chloe realized belatedly that she had never actually consulted her roommate on the matter. She had simply informed her about it and Maze had been very monosyllabic in reply. Chloe had attributed it to her Maze-ness at the time.

Well, she was getting to the bottom of this. She knocked on the door to Maze's room. 

"Come in." 

The words might have been _come in_ but her tone suggested _stay as far away as you can_ might be the better option. Ah well, Chloe Decker had never been one to shy away from danger. She braced herself and opened the door.

Maze lay on her bed, munching on a bag of chips. When Chloe entered, Maze gave her a glare which might, quite possibly, have killed a small mammal on the spot. Chloe swallowed around a sudden lump in her throat.

"Hey", she said, suddenly at a loss about how to start this conversation. Maze returned her gaze to the ceiling and resumed eating.

"So, um, Lucifer is here." No reaction from her roommate. "I thought I'd tell you so you can say hi."

"Pass", came the grumbled reply from the bed.

Chloe crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Maze, what's going on?"

"Oh, like you care."

Chloe rolled her eyes. Fantastic. As if she didn't have enough temper tantrums to deal with on a regular basis already. "I'm sorry I didn't consult you before making this decision. I thought you'd be fine with Lucifer moving in. Did something happen between you two?"

Maze jumped up from the bed in one swift movement and invaded her personal space. "Why are you all acting like everything is fine?"

Chloe was taken aback. "What?"

"You, Amenadiel, even Linda. It's like you're all happy that he's now this boring, diminished shadow of his former self. It's like I've lost my friend but I'm not allowed to be upset about it, because he's still here, even though he's really _not_." She paused, fuming. "Now look what you did! You made me talk about my _feelings_." She said the word as if they were something particular nasty she'd found under her shoe.

"Maze, I had no idea-"

"Whatever. I'm going out." Maze grabbed her jacket, which she'd thrown over a nearby chair, and was out the door before Chloe could say another word. She heard the front door shut with a bang.

Chloe stared after her. _Was_ she doing everything she could to help Lucifer? She had told him some stories about their cases together, but so far nothing had jostled any memories. She thought about Maze's accusation. Lucifer seemed like a completely different person now, but Chloe couldn't help but wonder how much of this new persona had always been there, hiding. And he appeared to be happier now. Was it really wrong of her to enjoy seeing him like this? _Damn_ , as if things hadn't been complicated enough already.

She left Maze's room, worrying her bottom lip, wondering when her life had become so complex. Lucifer and Trixie made a reappearance, with her sitting on his shoulders. He had to bent ridiculously low to get through the door frame without Trixie hitting her head, and her daughter giggled and pretended to fall off. Lucifer caught her easily and set her back on the ground. And it was all so _normal_ and simple that it made her heart ache. Lucifer gave her another worried glance but Chloe just vaguely waved her hand, shrugging it off.

He behaved the entire day and when she put sheets on the couch for him he didn't make a single remark about preferring to stay in her bedroom or some such, and maybe, _maybe_ , this hadn't been the disastrous idea she thought it was.

* * *

_He didn't know where he was. Everything was white, soft light around him. There were noises, laughter, the rustle of feathers, soft voices. He was floating and at peace, and then it was all snatched away in a heartbeat. He was falling into the void, flailing helplessly, terrified, yearning for the moment of impact, just so the falling would finally, finally, stop, but it never came. He fell, and fell, and minutes passed, hours, years, eons and he screamed in terror-_

He bolted upright screaming, covered in sweat. Chloe was by his side already, talking to him in a soothing voice but he didn't seem to hear her. He looked around wildly, still in the grip of his nightmare. Finally his eyes found Chloe and there was a spark of recognition in them. His arms went around her, crushing her to his chest. Chloe couldn't breath for a moment. He held her so tightly it actually hurt. When she managed to get her breath back, she said "Ouch". He seemed to come back to himself a little at that. Clearly terrified of hurting her even more, he dropped his arms and tried to scoot away from her, but she didn't let him go, drawing her arms around him in turn.

She whispered soothing nonsense into his ear, drawing her hand through his hair slowly, trying to comfort him as best she could. He was shaking, soft tremors running through him. Chloe remembered the scars on his back and wondered, not for the first time, what had been done to him, what he had to endure. She imagined Lucifer as a small boy, innocent, insecure, and she was suddenly filled with a blinding hot rage at whoever had hurt him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry", he mumbled into her neck. 

"It's fine. I'm fine", she tried to reassure him, but his arms remained limply at his sides, his hands curled into fists, as if he were afraid of his own strength.

He pulled his head back a little and she let him. He looked at her and even in the dim light, she could see the panic in his eyes. "What's wrong with me?"

"Your memories will come back in time, it's-"

Lucifer shook his head. "I don't mean the amnesia. It's- I'm- There's something wrong with me." He finished lamely, unable to describe the terrifying feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Chloe put her hands on his face and met his eyes. The anger at whoever had tormented him flared up again, but she pushed it down. "There's nothing wrong with you." He gave a disbelieving snort that sounded almost like the old Lucifer. It was a big improvement over his terrified state, at least. "True, you might have a few quirks-" He raised his eyebrows. "Fine, more than a few. But the point is that you have my back. I trust you. You're a good man." She smiled. "How many times do I have to tell you before you'll start believing me?" 

He grinned, some of the fear leaving his eyes. "I think I can do with hearing it a couple more times." Chloe leaned back, relieved at the change in his state of mind.

"Are we very different?" He sounded thoughtful now instead of panicked.

"Hm?" 

"Me and _him_. How I used to be." 

Great. Out of one minefield right into the next one. Chloe didn't reply immediately, giving the question some thought. "On the surface, yes. But I always thought there was more to him- more to you than met the eye." She tried to stifle a yawn. It was an ungodly hour, after all. "Can we deal with this existential crisis in the morning?", she asked, going for levity.

He rewarded her with a small smile. "Detective, I'm sure you know that-" He glanced at his phone on the table."-4 AM is the perfect time for an existential crisis."

She returned his smile, stretched her arms, and made a move to get up, when she caught a flash of his earlier panic cross his features. He masked it quickly, but there was no doubt about it, even in the dim light. She sat back down with a sigh. Sleep was overrated anyway. 

Lucifer gave her a grateful smile and leaned back against the couch, getting comfortable. "Would you tell me the story of how we met?"

* * *

Chloe awoke with a nasty pain in her neck. She lifted her head, groaned, and started rubbing a hand against the back of her neck. She was lying on top of Lucifer, who had somehow managed to squeeze his tall frame into the confines of her couch. It didn't look very comfortable and she was sure he would have a neck pain to rival her own when he woke up.

She looked to her left and had to smile. Trixie had joined them at some point during the early hours of the morning, lying next to her on top of Lucifer's chest, one arm and leg draped over Chloe. How Lucifer was still breathing, let alone sleeping, with the weight of both of them crushing his chest was beyond her.

She dropped her head back down, resting it against the nape of Lucifer's neck once more. He turned his head slightly in her direction at the contact, but his breathing continued on evenly, his sleep undisturbed. She should probably get up. Get up, brush her teeth, have a shower, drink some coffee, get Trixie ready. Also, her neck would probably just get worse if she stayed in this cramped space. Yeah, she would get up. Just 5 more minutes.


	4. Chapter 4

"Nghn", Lucifer said, opening his eyes dazedly. His neck hurt like hell. He sat upright slowly, rubbing his neck. Well, he'd slept. That was a first. All the other nights he could recall were a blur of waking up covered in cold sweat, fragments of nightmares at the edge of his conciousness.

His eyes caught a folded piece of paper on the table, his name written on the top. He picked it up and took a look. _Went to work. Didn't want to wake you. Looked like you could use the sleep._ It was signed simply with _Chloe_. Lucifer sighed. The whole point of moving in with her had been to spend time with the detective. She'd been the first thing in his life that actually made sense. Everything else just seemed so _unreal_.

The more people told him about his life, his past, the more confused he got. He simply couldn't align the picture the others had painted of him with how he saw himself. True, he had lost recollection of the experiences that had shaped that man, but surely his personality, his self-image couldn't have been altered so drastically? And then there was that whole devil thing. Had he really believed himself to be the devil or was that some elaborate charade? It was a scary thought. If the old him was truly convinced that he's the devil, that meant he was insane. Would he go insane again if he recovered his memories? He rubbed his hands over his eyes. These were exactly the kind of thoughts he'd hoped to escape by moving here.

He sighed and got up to make himself breakfast.

* * *

Lucifer stared at the plate in front of him, brooding. How was it that he _remembered_ how to prepare a full English breakfast, well, an English breakfast limited by the ingredients available in Chloe's kitchen, but couldn't recall any single important moment of his life?

Maze stumbled into the kitchen, startling him. She regarded him bleary-eyed, clearly taken by surprise as well. She looked like she had quite the night out. Maze avoided meeting his eyes, and abruptly turned around to leave. 

"Have I done something to offend you?" He hadn't meant to be quite so blunt, but the words slipped out before he could stop them.

Maze froze, then turned around again slowly. "What?" She furrowed her brow, the confusion evident on her face.

"You seem to be angry with me." He hadn't meant to sound so hurt, either.

"What? No!" Her honest befuddlement was somehow endearing.

"Well, can we at least agree that you might have been avoiding me? A little?"

Maze threw her arms up theatrically. "Why does everything have to be so damn complicated all the time nowadays? Things used to be so easy."

"Tell me about it", he agreed, smiling woefully. "You said before that we've known each other for a very long time. May I ask how long?"

"All my life", she replied.

He thought that she must be exaggerating, but she sounded quite serious.

"Wow", he said, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a lifetime of memories with somebody that the other person didn't recall.

"Linda said it's likely that some or even all of my memories will return with time", he reassured her.

Maze stepped closer, a calculating expression on her face. "Maybe if I hit you over the head _really_ hard, you'll return to normal?", she deadpanned.

He couldn't, for the life of him, tell whether she was joking or not.

"Best not to tempt fate", he replied with a nervous smile.

She shrugged, scrutinizing him. "You seem to be happier now, anyway."

It was hidden well, but he still detected the hurt behind the words. So that was the crux of the problem, he thought. Not that he'd forgotten everything they had experienced together, but that he'd forgotten everything they'd done together, everything about her, and was _happier_ than before.

He took a deep breath. There was something he'd meant to ask but hadn't worked up the courage to do so far. Well, no time like the present.

"Did I really believe that I'm the _devil_? Or is that whole thing some elaborate- I don't know- joke?"

Maze took a moment to answer, clearly weighing her words carefully. "You're not insane if that's what you're worried about."

He let out a relieved breath. "So it is some sort of play-acting? But why? Who would want to be the devil?"

"Oh, he's not that bad, once you get to know him", Maze said, smiling. 

She really was impossible to read. Was she joking? Did she actually think that he's the devil?

He gave her another nervous smile. Her answering grin was quite the opposite, confident and all teeth. She turned around abruptly and left, leaving him feeling slightly uneasy in the empty kitchen. He decided that he needed some air, badly.

* * *

Chloe returned to her desk, carrying a stack of files. She sighed. Since Lucifer came into her life, the amount of paper work she needed to do on a daily basis seemed to have magically quadrupled. She wondered if it was because he helped her to close cases faster, thus causing her to spend less time in the field or if it was because he got them into tons of trouble on a regular basis, which she then had to creatively explain away in her reports. Maybe it was a bit of both.

She looked up and was surprised to see him sitting at her desk. Speak of the devil. Maybe he was returning to his old ways, showing up out of the blue like that. Lucifer stood up and smiled at her nervously, and it suited him so much better than the lecherous grin that was usually glued to his face.

"I thought you were supposed to rest?" His smile grew a bit more confident at her playful tone.

"Have you ever known me to do as I'm told?" He waited a beat, then went on, "No, seriously, have you? I wouldn't know."

She gave him a warm smile. "As much as I'd like to chat with you, I've got work to do", she dropped the impressive pile of files on her desk with a thud, "and until you've been cleared by the doctors, I'm afraid you can't consult on any cases."

He regarded the stack of files as if they were something poisonous that might try to bite him at any moment. It was so much like the old Lucifer that Chloe had to laugh. 

"I see your opinion of paper work hasn't changed."

He looked up from her desk to meet her eyes, smiling, clearly delighted at having caused her to laugh. It was a soft smile, visible much more in his eyes than anywhere else and Chloe was blown away once more by how different it made him look.

"I would endure it to spend time with you", he said, surprising them both with his honesty.

Chloe was taken aback for a moment, unsure how to respond to this new version of Lucifer. Before, it had all been superficial banter, smug remarks, obvious come-ons. Now, it was all much more innocent, yet more real somehow. Dangerous on another level entirely.

"Um", she said.

"Maybe you can take a break before you try to tackle all that", he waved vaguely at the pile on her desk, "and have a coffee with me?"

He was looking at her with such an innocent, hopeful expression that it was impossible for her to deny his request. Damn him and his new-found puppy dog superpowers! Didn't she already have enough to deal with?

"Fine. But just 20 minutes, tops."

And there was that bright smile again. Did he ever stop smiling nowadays? As if she didn't already have a person in her life that got (almost) everything they wanted by being way too adorable. Now she had to deal with this as well.

* * *

Chloe looked back and forth between Lucifer's confused expression and the face of the barista, who seemed to be contemplating tearing his clothes off right then and there. Until now, Chloe had always assumed that much of Lucifer's attraction was due to the way he carried himself, his cocky attitude, his unwavering confidence. Well, next to his looks, obviously. And that _damn_ accent of his. But he hadn't even uttered a single word yet and the barista was already regarding him like a tiger seeing a juicy piece of meat. Chloe couldn't help but roll her eyes at her behaviour.

She looked back at Lucifer. How did he do it? If it wasn't the accent or the attitude, what was it? It couldn't be just his looks, this was L.A., after all. Yes, he was good-looking, but so was half the city, so why did almost all women immediately succumbed to his charms?

The barista leaned forward over the counter to _whisper_ something in Lucifer's ear. Talk about unprofessional work ethics! The horrified expression on Lucifer's face suggested that he was not amused by whatever she had shared with him. Chloe moved in front of Lucifer, glaring at the barista, who stumbled back a little at the sudden interruption. 

She barked their order at the girl, who in turn retreated further behind the counter. When she handed their drinks over a short time later, she was very subdued. Chloe smirked, feeling some sense of smug satisfaction at the change in her behaviour. She refrained from analysing the feeling any further. 

When they sat down at one of the tables by the windows, Lucifer seemed pensive.

"Lucifer?"

He turned his head a little as if to check for something behind him, then caught himself and shook his head slightly.

"What?", Chloe inquired.

"It's that name. I've had trouble identifying with it from the start." Seeing Chloe's confused expression, he elaborated, "I was looking behind me to see who you were talking to."

"Ah", Chloe said, dumbfounded. She wondered what it would be like to not feel any connection with her own name.

"Maybe I should change it", Lucifer said thoughtfully.

"What? No!" For some reason that she couldn't quite put her finger on, Chloe was shocked by the suggestion. "What would you even change it to?"

"I don't know." He shook his head, unsure about his plan. "I was thinking some regular bloke's name. Like- Gary."

Chloe snorted, then immediately turned serious again at the wounded look he gave her. "I'm sorry, but that just doesn't suit you _at all_."

He sighed. "I guess you're right. It was probably just an excuse to disconnect from my former self."

Chloe furrowed her brow. "Lucifer, don't you want your memories to return?"

He looked conflicted and it told Chloe everything she needed to know.

Lucifer raised his hands in a defensive gesture. "It's just all so confusing. What was going on with _him_? I'm not sure I want to be that man again. From what I know about him, he doesn't seem like a particular nice guy." 

He seemed relieved, as if this had been bothering him a long time already and he was glad to get it off his chest and talk about it.

"Lucifer, I've told you before-"

"Yes, I'm a good guy. Believe me, I am thrilled that you think that, but I'm not sure I can share your opinion."

"But-"

"What kind of life did I lead, anyway? Spending all my energy at that club, seducing somebody new every night. What kind of person does that? Doesn't that just seem-" He waved his hand, at a loss for words, "meaningless to you? Shallow?"

Chloe didn't have a reply to that, so she remained silent. Lucifer took a deep breath, and continued.

"Apparently, I didn't have any plans, any ambitions, that reached further than to the mattress in my bedroom", he said, his voice filled with something akin to disgust. "And don't get me started on how I used people who were in trouble by extorting favours from them."

"Lu-"

"And I've been doing some research into my recent past. Apparently, there is a guy I scared to the brink of insanity? How, I have no idea. And why? What sane person would even attempt something like that-"

Chloe put her hands over his, stopping his rambling. He was visibly upset, his breathing quick, his cheeks flushed. She could feel the thunder of his heartbeat at his pulse. This had clearly been gnawing at him.

She spoke very calmly, convinced of the truth in her words. "You decide who you are. If you want to be somebody else, just be somebody else."

He held her eyes, astonished. "But my past-"

"Doesn't define you. Everybody has done things they regret. Believe me. Just do what feels right to you now."

"But what if my memories return? What if I become _him_ again? What happens to _me_?"

Chloe's head was spinning a little from this discussion. "But you're the same person-"

He withdrew his hands from hers, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "No, we're not." He sounded hurt, and a little scared.

She leaned back, getting frustrated. "I don't know what to say, Lucifer. I want to help you, but I don't know how. This is all such a big mess. I'm so sorry."

Her voice broke a little on the last words, and he picked up on it. Of course he would. His focus immediately shifted away from himself, his expression showing concern. "Chloe? What's wrong?"

The words burst out of her in a rush. "I'm so terribly sorry. This is all my fault. If I had paid better attention, had done my job properly, you would never have gotten hurt. You're a civilian and I should have protected you. I'm sorry."

He uncrossed his arms and reached over the table to put his hands over hers, reversing her earlier gesture. "Chloe. I don't blame you for what happened. I'm sure I was the one who was reckless and didn't listen to you in the first place."

"But-"

"No but's. And besides, if the injury had never happened, I would still be leading the same life. I'm not sure I'd want that. I don't think I was very happy." The last words were spoken so softly that they were almost a whisper. His voice grew confident again with his next words, "So, no more feeling guilty about it. Promise me."

Chloe huffed out a laugh that was dangerously close to a sob. "I don't think that's how it works, Lucifer."

"Promise me."

"Fine. I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My original idea when I started writing this was that I would rid Lucifer of his memories, along with his emotional baggage, allowing him to be a happier, more carefree version of himself. Unfortunately, the character insisted on being a drama queen about the whole thing, so now I'm left with angsty self-loathing instead of cheerful fluffiness. Ah well. On with the show.

Chloe had meant to get home earlier, feeling bad about having left Lucifer to fend for himself, but work got in the way. She even had to call in a favour from Maze to pick Trixie up from school. When she finally unlocked her front door, she was surprised to be greeted by the sound of cheerful conversation.

Trixie, Maze and Lucifer were sprawled out on the floor, each with a pair of cards in front of them. There was a pile of chips next to each of them. The edible kind.

Chloe glared first at Maze, then at Lucifer. The latter had the decency to flinch, whereas Maze just grinned back at her. "Are you two teaching my daughter how to play poker?"

"Actually, Trixie taught us a couple of new tricks", Maze said smugly.

Chloe's mouth fell open and she turned to her daughter, who looked chagrined. "Trixie?"

"It's not like we're playing for money", Trixie said defensively.

"Who do I have to thank for this?", Chloe inquired. Her daughter remained silent. "Trixie? Please tell me the truth."

"Don't be mad. I asked her to teach me. Grandma was just-"

"Of course", Chloe said, sighing, "why am I not surprised?"

"Buy-in?" Maze asked, holding up a bag of chips, attempting to diffuse the building tension.

Chloe glared at her, but then she looked back at the other two, seeing identical expressions reminding her of kicked puppy dogs. She sighed. She hated to always have to be the bad guy, while others got to be the _fun_ adults. Maybe she would make an exception. Just this once. She could be fun to. It wasn't gambling if there was no money involved, right? 

Chloe sat down next to the others, grabbed the bag from Maze and opened it. Maze gave her a delighted but surprised look, as if she couldn't believe that strategy had actually worked, while Lucifer and Trixie gave her a matching set of surprised smiles. Looking at them, Chloe imagined how it would be if these two joined forces all the time. She probably would be helpless to resist the combined adorableness. It didn't seem too terrible a fate.

* * *

Trixie had been sent to bed quite a while ago, proudly carrying off her winnings to be consumed at a later date. Maze had to leave because of some emergency at the club. There had been an awkward moment when she turned to Lucifer with a questioning expression but he ignored her, clearly unwilling to get involved with the club business in any way. The budding friendship between the two of them had been tested, and Maze had left in a huff.

Now, it was only Chloe and Lucifer, locked in a heads up battle neither was willing to concede. Lucifer yawned, and Chloe noticed for the first time the dark circles under his eyes, and took pity on him.

"How about we call it quits?"

"Detective!", he said, voice laced with mock shock, "You're giving up? That's disappointing."

"Hey now, nobody said anything about _giving up_. You're lucky I've allowed you to hold on to your chips as long as you have", she said, grinning at him confidently. "But, you know, some of us have to go to work tomorrow."

"Please. I've got you exactly where I want you", he said, grinning. The line and the grin reminded her starkly of the old Lucifer. She felt a sudden, unexpected pang in her chest. She examined the feeling more closely and was shocked to discover that she _actually_ missed him. The real him. How was that even possible? Technically, he was still sitting right there in front of her. And besides, wasn't he a lot _nicer_ now? Considerate of people's feelings. Actually interested in spending time with Trixie. How could she possibly miss his egocentric, womanising old self? Maybe she just longed for things to return to the way they were. Not that their relationship had been any less complicated before this whole thing unfolded.

"You know, if you're not going to pay attention, we might as well put an end to this."

Chloe's attention snapped back to the game. "Sorry, got distracted for a second."

She stared at the flop, trying to remember her hand, then gave up and checked the two face-down cards in front of her, earning her a raised eyebrow from Lucifer. She absent-mindedly reached for some chips to munch on. They happened to be part of Lucifer's stack. "Hey! Thief!", he exclaimed, outraged, and shoved her hand away playfully. 

"You know, I bought these, so technically they are mine", she said, reaching for the chips again. He lightly grabbed her arm, stopping her. Both of them looked down to his hand on her arm at the same time, then up again, meeting each other's eyes, and suddenly they were way too close. 

He let go of her arm and both of them drew back abruptly. They started talking at the same time.

"It's getting late-"

"I shouldn't keep you up-"

"Right."

"Right."

They stood up in a rush. Chloe retreated towards her bedroom. "Okay then, goodnight." She was in her room, the door safely closed behind her, before he even had a chance to reply.

* * *

Chloe lay awake, glaring at the ceiling. Why did everything have to be so complicated? What did he want? What did he want before he lost his memories? For that matter, what did she want? About one thing she was certain: Nothing was going to happen between them until he got his memories back. She wouldn't let anything happen. Otherwise she would feel like she was taking advantage of him. What if there was a reason why he didn't want to be with her (the thought left a nasty feeling in the pit of her stomach) and had just forgotten about it? Once he recovered it would be _Candy_ all over again. She shuddered at the memory. No, it was better not to let things get out of hand.

All this thinking was making her thirsty. Or maybe it was those salty chips right before bed. She checked the water bottle she had stashed next to her bed but of course it was empty. Which meant she would have to get up to get some water. Which meant she would have to walk past Lucifer. Maybe she wasn't that thirsty after all.

Thirty minutes later, she was still lying awake. Her mouth was completely dry, which surely was just her mind playing tricks on her. She sighed. This was ridiculous. She would stand up and get some water. She'd quickly sneak past without so much as a glance in his direction.

She opened the bedroom door quietly, tiptoeing in the direction of the kitchen. And she would have made it, if Lucifer hadn't made a small movement. The sudden noise in the quiet room made her turn her head toward him. He was lying on his side, knees drawn up, one arm covering his eyes. And he just looked so- forlorn. And small, somehow. _Small? Get a grip of yourself, woman!_ , she thought. After all, there had been many a day when she had come home with a hell of a neck pain. From looking up at her freakishly tall partner all day. He was as far from _small_ as you could possibly get.

"Something I can help you with?" Lucifer moved his arm slightly, one eye now peeking out from under it. His words were meant to be teasing, but there was something in his voice which reminded her of his first night at her place, when he had woken up from his nightmare.

"Just getting some water", she said and fled to the kitchen.

When she walked back, she chanced another glance in his direction. Big mistake. He was sitting up, hunched over, elbows on his knees, drawing his hands through his hair. She used to think it annoying that he was always so sure of himself. Now, she wished he would have some of his old bravado back. She wasn't sure how to handle him letting her see his vulnerability. She wondered if it had appeared with the amnesia or if it had always been there, hidden under a carefully constructed personality.

"If you're not careful you're going to stare a hole into the back of my head." It was the same as before, the words were meant to be light and playful, but the tone of his voice betrayed his real state of mind.

She sighed and sat down next to him. "Tell me how to help you."

He threw up his hands in defeat. "I don't know! I just keep thinking over and over again about the things I've done and why I could possibly have done them and what's going to happen if I get my memories back."

She caught his hands and softly pushed them down to his lap, covering them with hers. "You're obsessing over this. Whatever happens, happens. Don't stress about it."

"That's easier said than done", he said, meeting her eyes.

She nodded. "True. Okay. You know, the old you might have had flaws, but he was very good at living in the present. Maybe you should give that a try. Just to- I don't know -do what feels right in the moment. Don't obsess over every action."

He took a deep breath, clearly steeling himself for something.

"Okay", he said, and kissed her.


	6. Chapter 6

For a second, Chloe returned the kiss. For a second, everything was fine. Great, even. Bloody fantastic. For that second, everything made sense. Then several things happened at once. Chloe pulled back and looked at him with a horrified expression. There was a sensation of weight at his back, not painful, just strange. There was a thud to his right and then something hit the floor with a crash. He turned to look and there were white feathers everywhere. _Some- bird? What the-?_ He turned further, trying to get a better view of what was happening, and the feathers moved with him. 

He had a moment of silent clarity, in which he thought, _so I am insane_ , then he reached up a trembling hand and there really were _goddamn_ wings growing out of his back. His thoughts started tumbling. He looked back at Chloe who was frozen in place, staring at him, mouth agape.

Wings. He had wings. _Lucifer_ , he thought, and felt a door in his mind slipping open slowly. He saw flashes of what must be his past, blinding white, all-encompassing fire, screams, mad laughter- _No!_ He slammed it shut, refusing to follow this train of thought. He searched for anything to hold onto, anything to occupy his mind. His hands came up, reaching for Chloe. _Chloe_. He looked at her pleadingly, helplessly. Finally her gaze moved away from his wings and met his eyes, terrible realization dawning on her face.

"Lucifer", she whispered. No, that was wrong. _Samael_. Someone speaking his name in a commanding tone, voice filled with anger. Father. He jumped up, hands going to his head. _No, no, no, no._ There was so much anger there, so much hurt, so much pain. It was unbearable. It felt like his head was going to burst, it was all too much- and suddenly there was only white.

* * *

He moved in to kiss her. She responded without thinking. Considering her last words, she really had only herself to blame. Then she remembered her promise to herself, made less than an hour ago, not to let things move in this direction, and pulled back. Then she froze.

Out of nowhere, two massive wings had appeared at Lucifer's back. They were magnificent. Even in the dim light, they had a radiance to them, almost shining with an inner white light. Chloe stared at them, not believing her eyes. There was no way this was some trick of the light, some hologram or illusion. They were much too _present_. She was convinced that if she reached out her hand she could touch them. _Wings_ , she thought, unable to get her racing thoughts to form any coherent pattern. _Wings_.

The wings suddenly spread out, knocking something over with a thud. It crashed to the floor. Chloe couldn't care less what it was. Her eyes never left his wings. _His_ wings. She saw Lucifer reach up a hand to touch them and something about the gesture made her move her eyes back to his face. She saw the emotions she was feeling mirrored there, disbelief, horror, shock, fear, and she realized that this was not something planned but that he was just as terrified by what was happening as she was. Probably more, since it was happening to him.

 _Lucifer_ , she thought. This is what he had been telling her from the moment they met. There had been a time when she had almost believed him, but then he'd bled and she had never let herself consider the possibility again. Not once. Not ever.

"Lucifer", she whispered, trying to align the image of her partner, her friend, with the idea of the devil and the two just wouldn't match. Lucifer suddenly jumped up, his hands cradling his head, his face a grimace of pain. Then, as if somebody had knocked over a switch, he was out cold. He fell, and Chloe instinctively tried to catch him, but he was way too heavy for her in the first place, not to mention the weight of the massive wings. All she managed to do was to slightly soften his fall, at least avoiding his head crashing onto the table.

Once they were on the floor, she felt for his pulse, needing to confirm what she already knew, deep down. He was alive, just unconscious. She breathed a sigh of relief, then she stood up suddenly, stumbling a few feet backwards. She stood there for a moment, staring at the unconscious man on her floor. Well, unconscious angel on her floor, really. A fallen angel. She started giggling hysterically, then she managed to get a hold of herself. Her hands started trembling. She closed her eyes and tried to slow down her rapid breathing.

She opened her eyes again and they were immediately drawn back to his wings. He was an angel. An archangel. She stared at him, thinking, _I have feelings for the devil_. There really was no point denying it to herself, was there? The devil. And she couldn't even plead in her defence that she had been lured in, deceived into liking him. No, he had been upfront with her from day one. He had told her again, and again, and again. 

She tried once more to see him like this, like the devil, like a celestial being, but he stubbornly remained just Lucifer in her mind. What kind of life did he lead? What was she to him, really? What could any human be to an angel? He must have lived many life times, seen unbelievable wonders and unspeakable terrors. How could she even relate to that? How could she be more than an ant to him, some tiny insignificant organism whose life was over in the blink of an eye? Could any of _this_ , any part of her life, really hold meaning for him?

Then she remembered that he was not the archangel Lucifer. Right now, he thought of himself as a human being. A human being without memories who had sprouted wings out of his back and was probably scared out of his mind. Unless the wings had triggered his memory and he was already back to his old charming self. Which was the devil. _Okay, snap out of it. He's the devil. What now?_ Well, first things first, she needed to get him out of the living room. She hadn't even managed to explain all of this to herself and she had no intention of repeating the experience any time soon with her daughter. She would just move him to her bedroom. Yeah. Sure. As if he hadn't been almost impossible for her to move on her own already, now there was the added weight of the two massive wings. What kind of wing span did he have, anyway? She imagined what he would look like, standing up, wings fully extended. 

She snapped back to the here and now, realizing that she had gotten lost in thought again while staring at his wings. Okay, who to call for help? She already had her phone out, her hand hovering above the screen, when another realization hit her. _Maze_. She's a demon. A demon from hell. Living with her. And her daughter. She decided to postpone that freak out to a later date and focus on Lucifer for the time being. She tapped the screen to call her room mate. It rang for quite a while before Maze picked up.

"Maze, I need your help", Chloe blurted out, not even waiting for a hello.

"Kind of busy here", Maze replied, sounding annoyed more than anything.

"Right, okay, yes, but I have a bit of an emergency here and I could really use your help."

"Well, I could have used Lucifer's help _here_ but he's too busy having fun with you, so I guess we're both out of luck", with that, she hung up the phone. Chloe stared at the screen for a moment, collecting her racing thoughts, then she called again. Maze waited even longer this time around and Chloe started panicking, but then Maze's annoyed voice was back and for once Chloe was delighted to hear it.

"You know when people hang up the phone it usually means they don't want to talk to you right now. Take a hint."

"Wings!", Chloe yelled, scared that Maze would cut her off again before she had a chance to explain. The words just tumbled out of her. "He has wings. And he's unconscious. And I don't know what to do. I don't want Trixie to see him like this. She'll be scared. Hell, I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I know he's been telling me this from the start, but I just thought- no way, and have I mentioned that I don't know what to do." On the last words, her voice rose considerably, taking on an edge of panic and she shut up suddenly, afraid that she might wake Trixie up. She rubbed her free hand over her eyes, trying to calm down.

"On my way", Maze said simply, the annoyance gone from her voice, replaced by something else which Chloe couldn't spare the brain capacity to figure out right now.

"Thank you", she said, relieved.

* * *

Chloe sat on the floor next to Lucifer and tried not to panic. Maybe all of this was just a bad dream. She would wake up any minute now and her world would have shifted back where it belonged. She would worry about some kid bullying Trixie at school or some case that proved to be especially challenging. And the bible would be a story again and not a record of things that actually happened. There would be no heaven, or hell, just the uncertainty of life. Hell. What would a place like that be like? What would it do to a person to be trapped there for millennia? For eternity? What would it be like to watch over the souls of the damned?

Lucifer stirred on the floor, interrupting her train of thought. He opened his eyes, and groaned. _Moment of truth_ , Chloe thought, _who are you?_ His eyes were glazed over, but after a moment his gaze focussed and he locked eyes with her.

"What happened?" 

Chloe could only shrug her shoulders helplessly. Lucifer tried to sit up and she saw the moment when he noticed the weight dragging him down and he remembered the wings. He looked at them, then back to Chloe. 

"I have wings", he stated, his voice devoid of emotion.

"No shit, Sherlock", Chloe replied. Lucifer stared right through her, clearly in shock.

"Why do I have wings?", he inquired, his voice still strangely mechanical. 

Chloe made an effort to get herself back under control. He obviously needed her help. She moved closer to him, taking his hands in hers. His eyes snapped to their hands, then to her face. Just like with his words, there was no trace of emotion on his face either. Chloe tried her best to give him a reassuring smile.

"Whatever this is, we will figure it out together, yeah? You and me."

He gave her a grateful pained little smile. It was better than the complete absence of emotion, at least. 

"Please give me a plausible explanation for this. Anything", his voice had a panicky note. "Genetic mutation? Drug-induced hallucination? No?" He got more and more agitated. Chloe didn't have the faintest idea what to do. She panicked and, entirely on impulse, leaned forward and kissed him. 

She succeeded in temporarily getting his focus away from the wings, at least. He pulled back after only a couple of seconds though, looking at her in wonder. "I'm an angel", he stated, his voice flat. 

"It would appear that way, yes", Chloe said, trying to gauge his reaction.

He rubbed his hands over his eyes. " _Oh God_." The wings suddenly folded behind his back. He turned slightly, regarding them as if they were some dangerous animal sitting on his back. "Why did they do that?", he asked, looking at them suspiciously. Chloe pushed down the sudden urge to laugh. He looked a little bit ridiculous. Then again, he was visibly scared, so this really wasn't the time to be making fun of him.

"I would assume you made them do that", she said, careful to sound entirely serious.

"I did no such thing", he said, glaring at the wings, as if that would make them disappear. Which gave Chloe an idea. "Can you try to make them disappear?"

He looked at her as if she had asked him to perform brain surgery. 

"Okay. Maybe we need to take this more slowly. How does it _feel_?"

"It feels as if I've grown two extra arms out of my back and don't know how to use them."

Well, put like that it sounded indeed like a scary thing to be happening to you. 

"Are you up to moving to the bedroom? I don't think I could explain any of this to Trixie right now."

He nodded and stood up in one swift motion, surprising Chloe. "Aren't they- you know- heavy?"

He frowned, considering. "Not really. I can feel them but it's as if it's meant to be like this. The same way my arm doesn't feel heavy, I guess. It's- difficult to explain."

She led him to the bedroom, where he sat down, drew his knees up and put his arms around them. He looked very lost. Chloe didn't know what to do or how to help him. She decided to try something easy first.

"Right. Seeing as you passed out a moment ago, I'll go and get you some sugary beverage from the kitchen, okay?"

"I'm not thirsty."

Chloe was about to argue, but there was something in his voice that made her stop. It was reflected in the way he sat as well and even more so in his eyes. _Don't leave me alone, please_ , was written, clear as day, all over his face. _Don't leave me alone with_ them.

"Alright", she said and sat down next to him on the bed. After a moment, she leaned her head against his shoulder and he sighed in response, putting his arm around her, drawing her closer. She went willingly, putting her own arms around him, and he rested his head on hers. It was nice, feeling his rapid breathing slowing down, feeling his panic ebb away a bit.

They sat like this for a couple of minutes when suddenly the wings spread out a little, only to fold around the two of them like a massive fluffy white blanket. Chloe gasped in surprise and tensed.

"Sorry", Lucifer said, trying to pull away.

She didn't let him. "It's fine", she said in what she hoped was a soothing tone. "They're a part of you."

He made a strange noise, a chocked-off sob, holding on to her even more tighly. She let him, starting to draw her hands through his hair. She didn't know what else to do, but maybe this was enough for the moment, to let him know that she was still right here with him, that she wasn't going anywhere.


	7. Chapter 7

Amenadiel stormed out of Chloe's bedroom, throwing his hands up in defeat. "I give up. He's impossible to work with."

Lucifer strode out after him, equally upset. " _I'm_ the one who's impossible to work with? You're completely unhelpful." He imitated Amenadiel's accent, making air quotation marks with his fingers. "Just fold them away." He glared at his brother. "If I knew how to _bloody_ fold them away, I wouldn't need your help in the first place, now would I?"

"I'm _trying_ to help you", Amenadiel said, exasperated.

"Okay", Chloe chimed in, "Maybe we're going about this the wrong way. If you just showed him how you make your own wings disappear, Lucifer could try to imitate the movement." Chloe couldn't believe that she was asking one angel to show another angel how to use his wings, but apparently this was her life now.

Amenadiel's expression changed completely. Emotions flickered over his face in quick succession. Guilt. Regret. Shame. Anger.

"That won't be possible at the moment." He glared at Lucifer. "Why can't you just listen to me for once and do what I tell you?"

Lucifer lifted up his hands in exasperation. "I. Don't. Know. How.", he said, enunciating every word.

Amenadiel stood there for a moment, seething. "This is going nowhere. I'm done here." He turned around and left.

"Amenadiel! C'mon!", Chloe called after him, but he neither replied nor turned back. Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose. _Fantastic._ The only person they knew who might have been able to help Lucifer control his wings had just left in a hissy fit. Now what? She turned back to Lucifer. 

His anger had dissipated as quickly as it had appeared and now he just looked lost. Helpless. Chloe had the sudden urge to give him a hug. Normally, she would have fought it, but right now she didn't really see the point. She walked over to him and embraced him, careful not to touch his wings in the process. Lucifer sighed and lowered his chin to rest on her head, returning the embrace.

"Thank you", Lucifer said, his tone very serious.

Chloe pulled back, looking at him in confusion. "I didn't do anything."

"Now, that's nonsense. You've done a lot of things. Thanks for being here. Thanks for not running away screaming. Thanks for trying to help me figure out what to do with these- _things_."

Chloe cleared her throat, unsure how to respond to that. She decided to keep it simple. "You're welcome." Then she had a sudden idea about his current predicament. "You know, maybe we _have_ been approaching this the wrong way, trying to do this consciously."

"I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Close your eyes. I want to tell you a story." This would only work if she managed to distract him enough from thinking about what they were trying to do.

He raised an eyebrow, regarding her doubtfully.

"Humor me", she said. Lucifer sighed, then closed his eyes as instructed.

Chloe took a moment to come up with a scenario that she thought would achieve the goal of distracting him while hopefully cause him to do subconsciously what she wanted him to do.

"Hello? Still there? I hope this wasn't a ruse to sneak away from me unnoticed", the words were meant to be light, but she easily detected the very real fear underlying them.

"Don't be silly. You're in my appartment. If I wanted to get rid of you, I'd be throwing you out the front door. Now, where was I. Okay, imagine you are getting ready for a date."

A smile tugged at the corner of his lip. "With whom?"

She should have seen that coming. "Let's say with me."

The smile spread over his face. "What do we plan to do?"

Well, at least he was distracted now. "Ice skating."

"Interesting choice."

"You're standing in front of the mirror, getting ready, deciding what to wear."

"Probably a nice jeans and a shirt."

"No, you're definitely wearing a suit."

"Don't be silly. Why would I wear a suit to go ice skating?"

"Because you're you", she said, realizing her mistake too late.

He huffed, the smile dissipating. " _I_ wouldn't wear a suit to go ice skating. What are we trying to do anyway? This is stupid."

"Bear with me." Chloe decided she needed to fix the mistake she'd just made or her whole plan was doomed already. "You are wearing a suit because I like how you look in them and you're going on a date with me."

He blushed. It was adorable. And very unlike him.

"Now, you want to try on that nice dark purple dress shirt-"

"Is this fantasy for me or for you?", he interrupted, a shadow of the cocky grin he'd worn almost constantly in the early days of their partnership on his face. It was strangely at odds with the blush on his cheeks.

Now it was Chloe's turn to blush. Thankfully Lucifer still had his eyes closed.

She cleared her throat. "Nevermind. Just focus on what you're doing. Put on the shirt."

He raised an eyebrow, but followed her instructions and mimicked drawing a shirt over his arms and buttoning it up.

It didn't have the effect she'd hoped for, though. "And now the suit jacket."

He complied, even though the whole thing must seem pretty silly to him by now. The old Lucifer probably would have made a remark about knowing more exiciting role plays by now.

Still nothing happened. She was beginning to think that this might have been a silly idea.

"Okay, now check your appearance in the mirror."

Again, he did as he was told, even though she hadn't explained to him what she was trying to do. Like he trusted her blindly.

He ran his hands through his hair, achieving only to muss it up adorably, rather than getting it back into shape. Then he flicked an imaginary piece of dust of the shoulder of his imaginary suit jacket. It was a gesture she'd seen the old Lucifer do many times and it made her heart ache. Then, like an afterthought, he made a shrugging movement with his shoulders, and the wings dissappeared.

"Like riding a bicycle!" Chloe exclaimed smugly, delighted that her far-fetched idea had actually worked. Lucifer opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder, pure astonishment on his face.

"How did you do that?"

Chloe smiled at him. "You did that all on your own. Using muscle memory, I believe. Now, if you can try to make them reappear, we can figure-"

"No." He locked eyes with her, raising his hands, his look almost pleading. "No. I want them gone."

Chloe caught his hands with hers. "Hey", she said softly. "I know this is hard, but you need to learn to control them, so they don't just make an appearance whenever they want to. Okay?"

For a split-second a pained look crossed his features, then he nodded, resigned. He made a movement with his shoulders. Nothing happened. He did it again, rolling his shoulder blades, but the wings remained stubbornly absent.

"Bloody things don't do anything I tell them to", he grumbled.

"I have another idea."

"Great. More fantasies?", he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"No", she said, grinning, and leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss him. She'd planned for it to be a quick, chaste kiss, but things turned out differently. Lucifer's hands let go of hers in favour of cupping her face. She melted against him, her hands starting to roam over his back. She lifted her right hand, running it through his hair and he moaned, deepening the kiss.

An insistent voice in the back of her mind reminded Chloe that she was doing _exactly_ what she'd promised herself not to do while he didn't have his memories. She was tempted to ignore it, but in the end, common sense won out. She pulled back from him. They stared at each other for a moment, panting. Then Chloe broke eye contact to look at his shoulders.

"It appears that didn't work either" she said, still breathless.

"Depends what you were trying to achieve", he replied, smiling, equally out of breath.

Chloe cleared her throat. Her phone alerted her to the arrival of a text and she immediately picked it up, grateful for the distraction.

"Dan and Trixie are done at the fair and he's asking if he can bring her home or if she should better stay at his place tonight."

"It's probably best if I go back to the penthouse. I don't want to keep your daughter away from her home." His tone suggested that leaving was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Your wings are gone for the time being. I think it's fine for her to come home again."

"And what if they pop back out again?", he asked.

"Then we'll find a way to explain it to Trixie."

"But don't you think it's- it's unsafe for her to be around me?"

Chloe looked at him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"After all, I'm- I'm-", he hesitated, struggling to get the words out, "I'm the devil. I'm dangerous. I shouldn't be around her. For that matter, I probably shouldn't be around you, either." He said the last part more silently, admitting it more to himself than to her.

Chloe stepped closer to him, putting her hands on his arms soothingly. She wondered when comforting him had become such a natural thing for her to do.

"You're not dangerous."

"How would you know? What if I have other powers? What if I can set things on fire with my mind? Hmm? What then?"

"Sure, who hasn't heard of the devil being able to set things on fire with his mind", she said, going for levity. She could immediately tell by the look on his face that it had been the entirely wrong thing to say. "Okay. How about we talk to Maze and find out what else you can do and if anything poses a danger. And then you can stay here." She barely stopped herself from adding _where you belong_ and wondered where the hell that had come from.

He thought about it for a long moment, then nodded his agreement.


	8. Chapter 8

Chloe knocked softly on the door to Linda's office, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Come in", she heard from the other side of the door. She did as instructed. Linda looked surprised to see her.

"Chloe! Did we have an appointment?"

Chloe fidgeted around. "No, sorry, I can come by at another time if you're busy."

Linda checked the time on her phone. "Actually my next half hour is free. What's up?"

The detective sat down on the big couch awkwardly. "I wanted to talk about Lucifer."

"You know I cannot reveal any information about a patient. Does he know you're here?"

She shook her head. "I just want to know how to help him."

Linda sighed. "What do you think kept you from telling him you were coming here?"

Chloe shifted around nervously on the couch. "I don't know. I don't think he wants help with getting his memories back. He keeps avoiding the topic."

Linda nodded. "Do you want him to get his memories back?"

She considered the question. "If I'm honest I'm a bit torn. On the one hand, I just keep thinking it would be terrible not to know who I am. I couldn't imagine forgetting about Trixie. I would want people to help me remember."

Linda nodded again. "Yet, for some people it might also be- freeing. A chance to start over. To wipe the slate clean. Free themselves from the weight of the past."

Chloe hesitated for a moment before replying. "I'm afraid my reasons might be a little more selfish."

"Oh? How so?"

She fidgeted around on the couch again, uncomfortable. "I just keep thinking, what if he gets his memories back and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Because he's- ah-" She realized she had been about to reveal Lucifer's secret to Linda. "Because he was very different, before. I mean, he- he owns a night club. He lives in a completely different social circle. My life must seem insignificant to him", she finished, having gotten close to the sentiment she'd actually meant to express. Because I'm afraid that I'm just an insignificant mortal whereas he's a goddamn archangel, who's been around pretty much since the beginning of the universe.

A look of realization spread over Linda's face, before she quickly recovered her professional expression. "Before he lost his memories, did he ever give you the impression that your life was insignificant to him?"

"No."

"Then why would it be any different when he recovers them?"

Chloe took a deep breath. What Linda said made perfect sense, yet she couldn't help the dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her that maybe she and Lucifer were just too different. He was, in a manner of speaking, very much out of her league.

"It's a moot point anyway. He is hell-bent on staying as far away from his past as possible."

"Hm. I see little to no chance for his recovery as long as he himself doesn't want to recover."

"So you think the best thing for me to do would be to try to convince him that he needs his memories back?"

Linda gave that some thought before replying. "In my opinion, the best approach for the time being would be to show him that there were good things in his past as well, that it wasn't all bad. Maybe there are some positive memories you can share with him?"

"I've already tried to jog his memory by telling him about some of our cases together. Maybe there are some other things I could tell him. I'll give it some thought. Thanks, Linda."

Chloe stood up quickly and turned to go.

"You're welcome. Feel free to come talk to me any time."

She nodded gratefully, and all but fled the office. Once she was outside, she took a deep breath. Well, that had gone better than expected. Maybe she should talk to Linda more often. She really was excellent at her job.

Chloe started walking towards her car, thinking back to the conversation with Maze she and Lucifer had last night. Most of the things she'd expected, known in a way. He had the power to draw out people's desires. Duh. She'd seen him do it dozens of times, but had refused to believe what was right in front of her. He was incredibly strong, which, again, she'd seen him throw around grown men like rag dolls, so that really hadn't come as a surprise either.

Then Maze had told them, somewhat reluctantly, that he used to be invulnerable but that had changed recently. She'd refused to give them any more details, saying this was really more Lucifer's secret to reveal and that things were complicated, whatever that was supposed to mean. She'd added that Chloe had better protect him properly from now on, and Chloe had felt a stab of guilt at the reminder that this whole thing was her fault.

Even if he figured out how to control his wings, it would probably take some time before she could take him on cases with her again. She just wasn't ready to put him in harm's way again. Which was a little ridiculous, given who he was, but she really couldn't help having the strange feeling of needing to protect him. An immortal archangel.

She sighed. Could he ever really be happy without knowing himself? Living in denial was always only a temporary fix. She was sure his past would come back to haunt him, like it had that first night at her apartment. No, she would have to put her own fears aside and help him recover his memories. It was the right thing to do.

She opened the door to her apartment that evening to be greeted by the most wonderful smell. Somebody was cooking dinner. And doing a damn fine job of it. She went to have a look and found Lucifer and Trixie at the kitchen counter, staring at a piece of paper that was presumably a recipe. Looking at the matching expressions of intent concentration on their faces you could have thought they were diffusing a bomb.

"Mom! We're making dinner. It's gonna be fantastic!"

"Yes, I can see that, monkey. Smells marvelous."

Trixie grinned proudly at her, while Lucifer gave her a shy smile. There really was no other word for it. Shy. It gave him a sweet, boyish look. She should be expecting this new side of him by now, but it still threw her off balance. It was such a stellar opposite to his old cocky attitude. She thought again how it suited him much better.

Maze was out hunting down a bounty, so they had dinner without her. And it tasted as good as she'd hoped. Apparently, Lucifer was still a great cook, even without his memories. Trixie told them about her day, and Lucifer asked her questions, and the whole thing was so very normal it made her heart ache, because she wanted it so much. For Trixie. For herself. For Lucifer.

Trixie asked if Lucifer could read her a bedtime story tonight and instead of the look of panic that she would have expected in the past, he seemed to be delighted by the request.

"Gladly." He gave Chloe another shy smile and she decided that this new Lucifer was gonna be the death of her. "Only if it's fine with your mother, of course."

"Sure. Go ahead." Trixie smiled brightly and Chloe felt another stab in her chest. What if this is only temporary? What happens when he gets his memories back?

"I'll go brush my teeth and get ready for bed", Trixie announced and rushed off. Chloe couldn't believe her ears. She tried to recall the last time Trixie had suggested to go brush her teeth.

"She's a great kid", Lucifer said, smiling.

"That she is", Chloe agreed. Trixie ran past them on her way to her bedroom, probably having brushed her teeth for all of 30 seconds. Chloe smiled, deciding to let it slide this time, seeing how excited she was to have Lucifer read her a story.

Lucifer stood up, suddenly looking very nervous, as if the idea of reading a bedtime story to Trixie was somehow intimidating. Like it was very important to him to get it right. She felt a sudden, inexplicable urge to protect him. Keep him hidden away here in her apartment forever, where nobody could hurt him ever again. She shook her head, pushing the silly thought from her mind.

Chloe leaned against the door frame, watching Lucifer read what must already be the fifth story. He really had a knack for accents, giving every character their own voice. Trixie listened, captivated, fighting a loosing battle with sleep.

Her eyes fell shut before he reached the end of the story. He regarded her for a moment, smiling. Then he stood up and noticed Chloe watching him. He smiled at her nervously, cocking his head to the side, his expression questioning. It seemed he wanted to know if he'd done well, if she approved. She gave him a reassuring smile. They seemed to do that a lot these days, smile. Maybe things weren't all bad.

They left Trixie's bedroom, Lucifer going to sit on the couch, while Chloe went off to retrieve something. She returned with a heavy leather-bound book and he gave her a questioning glance. She placed it on the table, opening it on the first page.

"My mother gave me this as a gift when Trixie was born." She pointed to the first picture on the page, showing a small, delicate newborn. "She's only a couple of hours old in this picture."

"She's so tiny", Lucifer said, voice filled with awe, and Chloe couldn't help but smile again. There was another picture on the opposite side of a minuscule hand holding Chloe's index finger. Trixie had indeed been unbelievably tiny.

She turned the page and there was a picture of her, Dan and Trixie. She and Dan were smiling brightly at the camera, overjoyed, and Chloe suddenly had to fight down tears. Damn it. That's not what she had wanted to show him. She took a deep breath, and turned the page.

Lucifer was looking at her now instead of the book, concern evident on his face. "Everything okay?"

She nodded, not trusting her voice enough to reply.

They looked at the entire photo album together, Chloe telling him stories to some of the pictures. There was the photo she'd taken when Trixie had pulled herself up on the bars of her cot for the very first time, looking entirely gleeful and very pleased with herself. The pictures of her first birthday party, which was probably the origin story of her chocolate cake obsession. Trixie dressing up as Spiderman for Halloween. Her first day of school.

Lucifer seemed to be fascinated. He didn't ask once why the hell they were looking at pictures from Trixie's childhood in the first place, which was the first question she'd expected. Instead, he kept asking her about the pictures, listening intently to her stories.

They reached the last page and she closed the book slowly. Well, that had certainly been a trip down memory lane.

"There's a reason you showed me this, isn't there?", Lucifer inquired quietly beside her. He didn't sound upset about her having an ulterior motive, simply curious.

"I've been thinking about what happened to you. I imagined if it had been me, if I had lost-" She gestured vaguely to the book on the table. "-if I had lost everything. I would want it back. Even the bad parts. Even splitting up with Dan. Even my father's-" She stopped, taking a deep breath. "-even my father's death. Because you can only have the good parts with the bad. Because that would be the only way to also remember his life. And who he was to me. And I would want people to help me remember because I wouldn't know anymore what I had lost."

Lucifer was silent for a long time. "You want me to try to remember?", he asked, his voice dark.

"There must be good memories-"

" _Good_ memories?", he interrupted, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I was cast out of Heaven. Send to _hell_. I- I must have tortured people-" There was pure agony on his face now, and Chloe regretted being the cause of it, even with good intentions. "There is nothing good about my past."

Chloe spoke very quietly when she replied. "I'm a part of your past."

He looked at her, shocked. "I- I didn't mean to say that I don't want to remember you. I just-" He gestured helplessly with his hand, on the brink of tears.

"I know you didn't", she reassured him, "I just wanted to remind you that there are good things in your past. I hope I'm a good thing." She smiled, and held up a hand when he started to speak. "Let me finish. There must be good things in your past. You just don't remember them. And even if there is a lot of bad stuff, your past is a part of you. I meant what I said when I told you it doesn't have to define you. You decide who you are. But I know for a fact that you are no coward. And right now, you're running away. And don't think I'm judging you for that, because God knows, if I had found out I was the devil I'd probably be doing the exact same thing, because that is just _so much_ to take in. But I want you to be happy. And I don't think you can ever really be happy if you don't address this. Work it out. Somehow. I- I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Wings or no wings. Memories or no memories. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Lucifer took a shuddering breath, then another. He was silent for a long time. "Thank you", he said finally, voice rough with emotion. "Thank you. I really appreciate what you're trying to do. What you've already done for me. I'm just- I'm not ready yet. I need more time to- to get over all of-" He pointed in the direction of his back, indicating his wings. "-all of that."

"Of course." Chloe nodded, taking a hold of his hands, giving them a reassuring little squeeze. "Of course."


	9. Chapter 9

Lucifer sat in the restaurant, brooding. He'd told Chloe that he needed some air, needed some time on his own to come to terms with everything that had happened. He sipped on his coffee, watching the other patrons absent-mindedly. There was a young couple sitting across from him that was clearly in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, unable to tear their eyes away from each other. Next to him an elderly couple was bickering over some item on the menu, apparently disagreeing on whether or not it contained gluten. A bit further back was a family with two young kids. One of them was busy throwing a temper tantrum, pushing every single thing off the table that was within his reach.

Lucifer envied each and every one of them with a ferocity that was almost physically painful. What he wouldn't give to be one of them. What he wouldn't give for his biggest worry to be about a mortgage, or a job interview or whether or not something on the menu had gluten. What would that be like?

Maybe it was time to admit that that was just not in the cards for him. That no matter what happened, he would never be one of them. Maybe it was time to face the truth. He remembered that first moment after he saw the wings all too well. He couldn't recall any of the memories that had assaulted him then, but he remembered with perfect clarity the emotions that had come with them. Anger. Hurt. Pain. Rejection. Anguish. He was terrified of regaining his memories and having to live through all of that all over again. Why couldn't he have remained ignorant? It would have been better if he had just turned out to be insane, he thought bitterly. Then maybe there would have been a chance to be healed of his affliction, however remote. But there was no salvation for the devil.

He sighed. The only thing that made the whole misery of his existence bearable was the astounding fact that Chloe continued to stand by his side, apparently unfazed by the knowledge of his origins. How, he had no idea. He wasn't sure if he could have been so supportive, had their roles been reversed. She must have been shocked by what happened almost as much as him. And yet, she continued to help him. And he was intensely grateful for it. He didn't even want to think about what would have happened if he had been on his own. 

Maybe it was time to stop complaining about all the things that didn't make sense in his life and instead start being grateful for what he did have. But what if he got his memories back, and it changed him, and Chloe didn't want anything to do with him anymore? He didn't think he would be able to handle losing her on top of everything else. Weren't things fine the way they were now? Why risk what he had with Chloe?

He rubbed his hands over his eyes tiredly. It was quite possible that he was overthinking things. Then again it wasn't everyday that one found out that they're the devil, so maybe he could cut himself some slack and allow himself to be freaked out. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. It really all came down to the qustion, did he want his memories back or not? Was he ready to face the person he had been before all of this happened?

* * *

Chloe paced back and forth in the living room worriedly. It was already evening and she hadn't heard a single thing from Lucifer all day. Worse, when she tried to text him she had discovered that he'd left his phone at her place, so she had no way of contacting him. He'd told her that he needed some time, but it was getting quite late. She couldn't help but be worried about him. What if his wings had popped out in public? What if he freaked out about what had happened? He'd seemed calm enough when he'd left, but who knows what had been going on in his head.

There was a knock on the front door and Chloe breathed out a sigh of relief. She rushed over to the door, opening it in a hurry. And there was Lucifer, giving her a shy smile. It was silly, because he was a grown man, and he didn't even live here, and of course he had every right to vanish for a day without being reachable, but still she couldn't stop herself from launching herself forward and embracing him tightly. He made a small noise of surprise, clearly not having anticipated her action. Then his arms came around her and he lowered his head to rest on top of hers.

"I was worried about you", she admitted, voice muffled slightly by his shirt.

"Sorry. I had a lot on my mind."

"Well, why can't you have a lot on your mind at-" She barely stopped herself in time from saying _home_. "-here."

His chest vibrated slightly with his chuckle. "I'll take that under advisement."

They stayed silent for a few moments, breathing each other in. She could somehow smell the ocean breeze on him. Maybe that's where he'd been.

"I've made a decision", he said out of nowhere, voice serious. Chloe remained where she was, hugged against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I want to try to get my memories back."

She pulled back at that, chancing a look up at him. "That's not what your face says", she quipped. It was true, he looked very much unconvinced by his own statement. He chuckled again, shaking his head.

"There's no keeping secrets from you, is there, detective? I may still have some -um- reservations. But I want to try."

"You can tell me what's worrying you." She pulled back entirely, adding hastily, "Only if you want to, of course."

He fidgeted around nervously, shifting his weight from foot to foot. They were still standing in the doorway for all the world to see.

"How about you come in first?", she said, stepping aside, giving him a reassuring smile.

He walked in, and sat down on the couch. He was still radiating nervous energy, so Chloe sat down close to him, putting her hand over his, trying to let him know that he had no reason to be nervous around her. He gave her a grateful smile.

"It's silly", he said, running his free hand through his hair, ruffling up the part that hadn't already be ruffled up thoroughly by the ocean breeze. Chloe suppressed the sudden urge to run her own hand through it.

"No, it's not. Whatever you're feeling is important. I want you to be sure that you're doing what's best for you and not just what you think is required of you somehow."

He nodded. "I'm scared that- I- when they-" , he motioned towards his back with his free hand, "-when they made an appearance I recalled some moments from my past and it was all- it was all associated with so many bad emotions. I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with all of them."

He hesitated, and Chloe waited, sensing that there was something else bothering him.

"But that's not what scares me the most. I think if you- we- I think I might be able to handle remembering. But I'm terrified of what will happen to _me_. I know you say me and him are the same person, but that's just not true. I was so very different before. He did whatever he wanted with no regard to who it might hurt. He slept with somebody else every night without sparing them another thought the next morning. I'm _not_ that person. And with the memories he will come back, and I will just disappear. I won't exist anymore."

His voice took on a slightly panicky note with the last sentences. She started to slowly stroke her thumb over the back of his hand, trying to reassure him.

"Listen to me, Lucifer. Do you think I would have worked with that kind of a person?" She took a deep breath, picking her words carefully, needing him to understand. "You know how sometimes people wish to be somebody else? Sometimes bad things happen and people shield themselves and pretend to be untouchable, or shallow, or that nothing gets to them. I always thought that there was more to you than the carefree playboy persona you showed to the world. You always had more depth than that. You always cared, about people being treated fairly, about people having a choice, about evil-doers being punished. Who you are now is not that different from who I always suspected was hidden behind that character you created for yourself. In fact, I believe you are the most _you_ now that you've ever been. When you get your memories back, you won't disappear, because you've always been there. You will remember all the things that made you hide behind the mask of _Lucifer Morningstar, club owner_ in the first place, but it will be your choice to put it on again or not."

He stared at her, mouth agape. "Do you really believe all that?", he asked, wonder in his voice.

She put her other hand to join the first on top of his, looking him straight in the eye, willing him to believe the truth.

"Yes, I do."

He swallowed and blinked away the tears that threatened to fall.

"And if I-", his voice was thick with emotion, "-if, after I remember, for whatever reason, should choose to behave like him, like that, again, would you still- I mean-" He stopped, unable to put into words what he meant to ask her.

Chloe took a deep breath and decided that there really was no point in holding anything back after everything she'd just told him. "If that happens, then I will still care about you, as I have always cared about you, and we'll figure things out from there."

He was silent for a long moment.

"Okay", he said finally.

"Okay?"

"Okay, I'm ready. How do we go about this?"

"Are you sure that's what you really want?"

"Yes."

"Then I think our first step is talking to Linda."

He nodded, and she smiled at him, hoping that this really was what was best for him.


	10. Chapter 10

Lucifer took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to", Chloe said, and meant it. 

Lucifer shook his head. "I want to do it."

Linda nodded. "Then let's go through the logistics one last time. You'll lie down on the bed, eyes closed. I won't use hypnosis, but I will try to put you in a receptive state. Then Amenadiel will be the first to talk to you about your youth, and the time before your fall. Then Maze will tell you her story, about what happened afterwards. The last to help you reclaim your past will be Chloe, talking about your time together here. If at any point you feel you cannot or don't want to continue, just say so, and we'll stop immediately. I'm certain parts of this will be painful for you, and I think it is very brave of you to attempt to do this. My hope is that by the end of it, your memory will have been triggered enough for you to recover most, or even all of it. For the people who will be doing the talking, keep in mind that emotion is key in memory recall. The stronger the emotions associated with the events you describe, the likelier it is that this will be succesful. Does anybody still have any questions?"

"I want Chloe to be here the entire time", Lucifer said firmly, like this was not up for discussion. Amenadiel tried anyway.

"I don't think that's a good idea, brother. The things I will talk about, they are not meant for mortals to hear. It would be better-"

"I want Chloe to be here the entire time", he repeated, and there was an authority and finality in his voice that Chloe hadn't heard since he lost his memories. Amenadiel nodded, conceding the point.

Linda had chosen Chloe's apartment as the best location for their attempt at restoring Lucifer's memories, arguing that it was the place he felt most comfortable, most at home at the moment. It was important that he was as relaxed and receptive as possible in order for this to have any chance at success.

Lucifer took off his shoes, and lay down on Chloe's bed, crossing his hands in front of his chest. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Linda sat down next to him, going through some breathing and meditation routines with him, to put him in the right state of mind. Chloe sat down on the floor, trying to be as invisible as possible, not wanting to interfere with what was going to happen. Amenadiel sat down in the chair that Linda had placed at the foot of the bed, looking tense.

When Linda was done, she and Maze left the room. The door closed behind them and there was silence for a moment. Then Amenadiel started talking, slowly at first, gaining more confidence as he went on.

"You were born the youngest of many, many, siblings. From the start, you asked us questions about everything. You were never satisfied with any answer we gave you. You were always different, in some way. Back then, I just couldn't understand your refusal to accept things as they were. Our world was ordered. Meaningful. Beautiful. Peaceful. Everybody knew and accepted their place in the bigger scope of things.

And then you came along, questioning everything, including father. Now, I've always believed, and still believe, that you hold a special place in his heart. Of all of us, you were always the one with the most _humanity_. The one who was most like the mortals he was so enamoured with. Just like them, you too wanted to know everything. Just like them, you wanted nothing more than to be free. And he loved you because of that, but it angered him at the same time. I don't know. It's difficult to know with him. I don't claim to understand him.

For such a long time, I believed your rebellion to be selfish, and arrogant. That you simply didn't want to do the tasks that father bestowed upon you. That you somehow thought you were better than the rest of us. I've given it a lot of thought recently, and I've come to realize that maybe I was wrong. You asked him a question. Why do they have free will, and we don't? And you asked it, because you believed that free will was a right. A right that you wanted for all of us, not just for yourself.

We always fought, from the very start. We disagreed on everything it was possible to disagree on. I looked down on you, brother. I regarded you with disgust and hatred, because of what you did. It is I who was arrogant. It is I who failed _you_ , I see that now."

He stopped, taking a deep breath.

"Apologies. I'm veering off topic. This is not about me. Linda said it would be easier for you to reconnect with your past if it was associated with strong emotions. So let me talk about that. I don't think you were ever happy in the Silver City. You were never content. At least, not like the rest of us. You were always searching for something else, something different, something _more_. When you started the rebellion, I don't believe your intent was for anybody to get hurt, least of all father. You simply didn't see any other way to get his attention, to make him understand that you couldn't march on and be the obedient soldier he wanted you to be.

And he was so furious with you. Unlike anything I've ever seen before, or after. You've made it clear to me many times afterwards that you think he doesn't care about you. I think it's quite the opposite. He cares very much, which is why your betrayal hurt him so deeply. You two are alike in many ways. Stubborn. Passionate. Arrogant, to a degree. Willing to fight to the bitter end when you believe you are right. Really bad at talking about your feelings, too. Well, not that I'm any better, mind you. I guess all of this applies to me as well. I've just come to wonder recently, after spending more time with Linda, how much of what happened could have been avoided if we'd just been better at _talking_ to each other."

He cleared his throat self-consciously, wondering how the hell he'd ended up pouring his heart out to Lucifer, of all people.

"Anyway, I hope this can help you become yourself again. I- I'm sorry, Luci, for letting you down. You're my little brother and I should have done a better job of protecting you."

He hesitated for a moment, then he stood up and quickly left the room. He opened and closed the door quietly, then there was complete silence. Chloe looked at Lucifer, unshed tears welling in her eyes. He hadn't moved, hadn't so much as made a sound as Amenadiel told his story. She wondered if he was already back to his old self, if he already remembered all the pain and suffering from his past. 

Maze came into the room, interrupting her train of thought. She sat down in the chair, arms crossed in front of her chest, looking very uncomfortable.

"Okay, listen, this is how this is going to go down, I'll give you the facts of what happened and we'll see if it jostles something in that messed-up head of yours, but don't expect me to lay out how I _feel_ about any of it, alright? Okay. I was created as the first of my kind. The head torturer of hell. And I loved my job. I was very good at it, too. Mortals are incredibly creative when it comes to creating their own punishments, but I prided myself on always finding the cherry on top of their guilt sundae that made things just that tiny bit more unbearable for them. 

You never seemed to have that much interest in torture. I guess you always saw it more as a job that needed to be done. Evil had to be punished. And really, there was nothing else to do. Maybe you didn't like it on principle, because it was a task given to you by your father. I have no idea. It's not like we ever talked about anything. You sometimes gave me orders, and that was it. You spend most of your time down there wallowing in self pity. Of course, I'd never have told you that, back then. You didn't really take well to criticism. I guess you felt you could do your job best if everybody feared you. And I think you were right.

Hell is no place for weaklings. Or cowards. We all understood that. But you weren't that bad of a boss. If we did our job, you left us alone. You were never cruel to me, or any of the other demons, just for the sake of being cruel. I respected you. I would have followed you anywhere, fought anybody for you. You always had this thing about you that made us want to follow you. Or maybe that was just built into us from the start.

When you talked, it was always about your father. I felt inspired by the ferocity of your hatred towards him. You talked about how you'd been wronged, vilified, and how you would make him pay for what he did to you some day. And still you continued doing the job he'd given you. I'm not really sure what made you up and leave the place, in the end. Maybe you were bored. Maybe you thought you could be free among the mortals.

I guess, all things considered, I'm happy you took me with you. I could have done without cutting your wings off though. That was pretty gruesome."

She stopped apruptly, apparently at the end of her story, and waited for a reply from Lucifer. He didn't show any reaction. After a moment, she looked at Chloe, shrugging her shoulders in a _so, what now?_ gesture. Chloe shrugged her own shoulders in reply. 

Maze glared at the two of them, then stood up. "Well, that was a waste of time", she said, then walked out, closing the door behind her with a bang.

Chloe sighed, then stood up. She didn't walk over to the chair, instead she sat down on the edge of the bed, regarding Lucifer. He was still lying motionless on the bed. She wondered again who he would be when he'd finally open his eyes.

"We first met at Lux. I questioned you about a girl that had been shot. I know, I've told you this story before, but last time, I didn't include my impression of you. Let me rectify that. I guess I was intrigued by you from the very start. You seemed like an immature, self-absorbed, arrogant playboy, who shamelessly flirted with everything that moved, and didn't care about anybody other than himself. But it struck me that, at the same time, you seemed to genuinely care about the murder victim. You wanted to find her killer and make him pay for what he did. And I just couldn't, for the life of me, figure out how those two sides of you fitted together.

You never stopped surprising me. And I don't mean because of all the weird stuff that kept happening around you. No, you consistently surprised me with how much you cared. You spend so much time and energy creating that shallow, uncaring playboy, yet you showed me time and again that that's not who you really are. 

I was always amazed how well we worked together, in spite of being very different people with a very different outlook on life. Sure, your blatant disregard for protocol was a constant pain for me to work with, but you brought so much to our work, our partnership, to make up for that many times over. You always have my back. You've put yourself in harm's way again and again to protect me. It's what got us into this whole mess in the first place, right?"

Chloe stopped, taking a deep breath, picking her next words carefully.

"But it's not just the work. You brought so much to my _life_ , and Trixie's. Things I didn't even know I was missing until I met you. You just made everything _better_. More fun. Lighter. Less serious. And I needed that in my life. 

I really appreciate that you told me the truth from the beginning, even though I couldn't bring myself to believe you. Well, not after shooting you, at least. I haven't told you that story yet, have I? It was early on in our partnership. I was trying to figure out what your deal was. How you managed to draw out people's desires. How you could scare suspects into incoherent sobbing wrecks in mere seconds. How you managed to throw a grown man through a room with barely an effort. All of these things kept bothering me, and then I saw a reflection of something. A different face.

You kept telling me to shoot you, so that I would finally believe you. You were very insistent. And so I did it. Thank God, I still had enough sense to only shoot you in the leg. You bled. And you seemed so genuinely baffled about it. I thought at the time that you were shocked that I had fallen for your ruse so completely that I would actually shoot you. Now, I think you were truly surprised that I could actually hurt you. Which means, already back then, you wanted me to have definite proof of who you are. You wanted me to know the whole truth, even if it might cost you our partnership, our friendship. 

I think that was not an easy decision for you to make. At least I hope that what we have meant a lot to you, _means_ a lot to you, as well. And still you were willing to risk everything, because you wanted to be completely honest with me. You never lied to me. I trust you. With my life. Trusting someone is a big deal for me. I don't let my walls down easily. But I feel I can be vulnerable with you. I can be myself with you. I'm-"

She hesitated again, holding her breath for a moment, then blowing it out slowly. She regarded Lucifer, lying on the bed, somehow managing to look small, and vulnerable. He'd always been honest with her. Now it was time for her to be honest with him. And herself.

"-I'm happy when I'm with you. You make me laugh. You make everything easier. You are great with Trixie. Even before all of this, she always liked you. And I just- I want you to be happy too. To know that your past doesn't matter to me, that you can be yourself with me as well, that I won't judge you or look down on you, that I'm not going anywhere because I-"

She closed her eyes, taking another deep breath, working up the courage for what she wanted to say next.

"-because I love you."

She kept her eyes closed, suddenly afraid. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if she had just screwed everything up? What if she had made an utter fool of herself?

She heard the rustling of the sheets as Lucifer slowly sat up next to her. She finally got up the nerve to open her eyes, and gasped. Lucifer sat on the bed, regarding her. What she saw might have been in part due to her anxieties, her overactive imagination, her fear of what would happen once Lucifer got his memories back.

She looked into his eyes and for the first time she saw everything. He let her see everything. Looking back at her wasn't the man she'd come to know over the last couple of weeks. Not even the man she'd known before the accident. Looking back at her was a being as old as time, ancient, divine, not of this world. In that moment, he looked incredibly old, and tired. She felt as if there was suddenly an immeasurable distance separating them. That even though he was close enough for her to touch, he was now out of her reach entirely.


	11. Chapter 11

Lucifer cocked his head to the side, a smile slowly spreading over his face, breaking the spell. 

"Could you repeat that last part?", he said, wonder in his voice, and the barest hint of teasing.

Chloe found that she couldn't. Was he making fun of her? Was he amused by the ridiculous notion that a mere mortal like her could be in love with him?

The expression on his face changed to worry in an instant. "What's wrong?"

She just shook her head, tears starting to fall. "You- You're-" She wanted to reach out to him but held herself back. What did she have to offer someone like him?

She saw, actually _saw_ , his walls come up, his mask slipping back into place. 

"You're scared of me", he said, voice flat.

He moved away from her, standing up on the other side of the bed. 

"My sincere apologies, detective. I never meant to scare you. I will not bother you again." His voice was devoid of emotion. The voice of somebody who had come to expect rejection, and accept it. He started walking towards the door, shoulders slumped, feet dragging, the very picture of defeat. Chloe finally managed to draw herself out of her stupor.

"I'm not afraid." 

He turned around, and she saw a flash of something cross his face, disappearing again almost immediately. Hope.

"I just thought now that you're yourself again- I don't know. I- you're an immortal archangel for God's sake, and I'm _nobody_." Her voice broke at the end and the tears threatened to fall again. She let them.

He stared at her, shocked. 

"I'm sorry I was so presumptuous. I-" She closed her mouth, not sure what else to tell him. 

He jumped towards her suddenly, jolting her. He put his hands on her face, locking eyes with her. He looked at her as if she were the only thing in the world that mattered.

"You are not nobody. You are a miracle. I have never met anyone like you. You accepted me, even after you saw the wings. You're kind, and brave, and wonderful, and it's me who doesn't deserve _you_."

She realized that he wasn't toying with her. He wasn't some immortal, ancient, untouchable being. He was just Lucifer.

"I love you", she repeated, and watched in awe as the worry and hurt on his face transformed into a small smile.

"How? _Why?_ " He sounded genuinely confused.

"Seriously? I don't know, it just happened. I-"

He leaned forward, kissing her. And _Oh boy_. The kiss they'd shared before his wings had made an appearance had been great. Insecure, yet sweet and passionate. It had been the first kiss of somebody who had no memory of ever kissing anybody before, and because of that it had been special. This was something else entirely. He was putting all of his skill, all of his experience, into this one, and Chloe didn't even have the words to describe what he was doing. He deepened the kiss, doing some twisting motion with his tongue, and Chloe's brain went temporarily offline.

It came back online when they pulled apart reluctantly, breathing heavily. He leaned his forehead against hers. The gesture brought her back to another moment. _This is real, isn't it?_ Yes. It had been real back then. And still he'd run. How could she know that he wouldn't do the same again this time around?

"Lucifer", she breathed, still getting her bearings, "There is something I need to ask you." She pulled back a little to look into his eyes. He seemed afraid all of a sudden, as if he were expecting her to tell him that all of this was a mistake and she'd changed her mind. She realized something vital. He might be an immortal, mighty archangel, but he was just as insecure about this as she was. He was apparently just as afraid of loosing this, loosing _her_ , as she was of loosing him. It was an incredibly comforting thought. Yet she still needed to know.

"Why did you run? Why did you go to Las Vegas?", she asked bluntly.

He took a sudden step backwards, running his hand through his hair. "It's complicated."

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, feeling defensive. "Uncomplicate it."

He sighed. "I didn't want to pile even more things on your plate, but I guess you have a right to know." He hesitated for a moment, then went on. "Your parents were unable to conceive. My father send Amenadiel to bless your mother. And you were born. You're a miracle."

Chloe stared at him. For a couple of seconds neither of them spoke, Lucifer clearly waiting for some reaction from her. Chloe blinked. "Come again?"

"You're a miracle. That's why I'm only vulnerable around you. It's why you're immune to my powers."

She stared at him some more. At some point, she realized that her mouth was hanging open, so she closed it.

"You're only vulnerable around _me_?" Of course. It all made sense now. That's why he ran. To protect himself from her. He needed to get as far away as possible from her for his own safety. Still, it stang a little. "Then why did you come back? Why didn't you stay in Las Vegas where you were safe?"

He furrowed his brow, an adorable look of confusion on his face. "Where I was safe? I went to Las Vegas so you'd be safe _from me_."

"I don't understand."

"Don't you see? He-" Lucifer glared at the ceiling and there was pure hatred in his gaze now. "- _He_ arranged everything. He put you in my path. You were never given a choice in how you feel about me. I wanted to give you your freedom back, by removing myself from your life."

She looked at him, trying to comprehend what he was telling her. It was all a bit much.

"I don't understand. Don't humans have free will? Are you saying I don't have free will? My actions are controlled by God?"

She stepped forward, suddenly furious. She slapped him across the face, hard. "There. You think God made me do that?" He stared at her, completely shocked, giving her the feeling she'd just kicked a puppy. "You vanished and I was so _scared_. I was terrified. I had no idea what had happened to you, and then you came back with _her_ , pretending like nothing happened between us, and it _hurt_ so much, and now you're saying you did it all to protect _me_ , you- you-" She gesticulated wildly, her words failing her. "-you _idiot_ ", she finished, huffing.

He rubbed his hand over his reddening cheek, giving her a lopsided smile. "I guess I am." She stared at him, thinking _I just slapped an archangel._

"You _think_? Also, what the hell do you mean by I'm a _miracle_? What does that even mean?" She was starting to freak out, feeling like her whole existence had suddenly been called into question. 

He came closer once more, carefully reaching out to her, softly stroking along her arms. "Hey. Calm down. You're still you. Nothing has changed."

She sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder, her anger dissipating as quickly as it had come. "Sure. I'm just a miracle, and you're the devil. Nothing out of the ordinary."

He chuckled, and drew his arms around her, holding her tight. She breathed out a sigh of relief.

"I guess Amenadiel was right."

"Hmm?", she said, drawing her arms around him in turn, taking comfort in the fact that they could still do this, that things hadn't changed that much from what they'd been an hour ago.

"I'm _really_ bad at communicating."

Now it was her turn to chuckle. "You're good at other things." She pulled back to meet his eyes.

"Oh, really?", he said, voice teasing, "I need to hear all about those."

"Well, for one, you're really great at _this_ ", she said, and kissed him. He responded eagerly, but let her take control of the kiss. When they pulled apart, they were both breathless again.

"You think God made me do _that_?"

There was a sudden look of disgust on his face. "Please don't bring my father into this."

She chuckled again. "Sorry." Her expression turned serious. "I've been meaning to ask you, ever since you opened your eyes, do you remember everything? How do you feel?" _Who are you?_ , she didn't say, but it seemed he heard it anyway.

He stared past her shoulder for a moment, thinking.

"I think I'm all of me. All the parts. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, surprisingly." 

He leaned his forehead against hers again. "Is that the version you were hoping for?" His voice was teasing, but she easily picked up on the insecurity hidden beneath. On some level, he was still scared, still looking for affirmation. It clashed starkly with her earlier image of the aloof archangel.

"I'm glad you're no longer at war with yourself. Although I think I might miss the insecure, shy version I've come to know over the last couple of weeks. I really enjoyed being around him."

"I'm right here." He said, pulling back a little to meet her eyes.

She huffed out a laugh. "Sure. You're the very picture of shyness and insecurity."

He smiled. "What if I told you that maybe I'm not always as sure of myself as I appear to be?"

She smiled back at him. "Well, I'd be _shocked_ at such a revelation." She leaned up on her tiptoes, giving him a quick kiss. "I think it's time we let the others know that Linda's plan worked."

He put his hand on her face, softly stroking his thumb over her cheek. 

"They can wait a bit longer", he said, and kissed her.


End file.
